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CONNOR (02/09/2025) back That made you feel lonely and lost And hurt and afraid in just the way That made you feel in your element You talked to me in depth about it As much as you could, wordlessly, And without a sound, you told me All about being thrown in front of a train Laying and extending an arm with a silent scream Staring down the barrel of a camera lens While you were torn in half at the waist Staring ahead, dead eyes open Splattered and shredded across the tracks And the release of everything inside you Or mugged and held at gunpoint, Or knifepoint, or with chloroform over your face, In an unexpected yet always inevitable turn of events, As adolescent male rough-edged innocence tends to find itself Blackmailed, dragged into a cramped space, pushed down, And palmed and felt and groped to tears of both kinds Finding out just where he sits in the food chain It was always about death, la petite mort, Since before you can remember, It was always about grief and accidents Trapped by circumstances, Caught in a car collision and dying on impact, Or suffering and dying slowly on an operating table, Overdosing on intravenous heroin, Terrorized to death and butchered like meat, As prey tends to be So what happens when a young animal Is left alone to protect his younger, weaker sibling, When he comes up against the things He can't quite articulate at his own age? Does he scream for the rest of his life? Does he bury himself in my arms and cry? Does he almost throw up while asking me why? I asked you when this started, You said you can't remember, How can I convince you That this wasn't supposed to happen? Teenage boys all think they're indestructible  |
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