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HERMANO (02/10/2023) back Or a long-held resentment, grudge, a bitter taste in my mouth and dismissal Of whatever it was you told me back when I recognized you, The finger I hacked off has stopped bleeding, scar tissue grew, of course it would, But I have nine fingers now, as well as I've adapted to this new mode of movement. I never lied about the disturbances I felt within myself, how my leaves changed color At a moment's notice, to better suit whatever environment I found myself in. It wasn't something I recall ever talking about in any great detail, But you were well-acquainted with a color of mine that few others had seen- Because it wasn't something I felt secure showing, it was a garish blood-red. My leaves turned that same crimson today when an icy breeze chilled me to the bone, Making me feel like a stranger among the familiar, making me wonder where I was, I pulled away and hid myself, and nobody saw it, because nobody else was right for it, This color isn't for them, it's not a blood-red I allow into the sights of anyone but blood, And it's fair enough to call it blood when it looks just like mine. And who am I to judge someone for their need for privacy or pride? I know you never liked it when someone could read into it too well, or too much, But I assure you, and I can't count on whether you're listening or not, That I was never here to take anything more than what you would willingly offer me, And I cannot prove it to you with anything other than now counting on nine fingers and a stump. If it means anything to you, take solace in knowing that I no longer know anything, And I don't pretend to know either, if it was your intent to throw me off, you succeeded, Regretfully, I must admit I still wonder about it, and I can't help but wonder sometimes, Because, as it happens, hacking off a finger does tend to decidedly leave one Without sensations and movements that were once a part of their life. Now I know it means nothing, there's nothing to count on, I have no expectations, And I don't allow my personal feelings to take priority over the practical course of action, Maybe nothing could be done, maybe it simply is what it is, a string isn't broken if deliberately cut, To assume, wonder, or ignore are equal affronts, maybe one can't or shouldn't try to win, But I'm now back where I used to be, blood-red in the dark, and nobody feels familiar. And it hurts, I don't like feeling that way, And maybe I don't want you to feel this way either (if you do), But maybe I'm colorblind, maybe I can only count to nine, And your life isn't mine, I won't tell you to stay, But there was blood covering my hand today.  |
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