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LOVER, ARE YOU THERE? (11/11/2024) back I thought I found you once in a dead tree Standing alone and creaking in wasteland wind With cold, pale, gnarled bark and spiked branches That pierced my flesh and bled me out Casting shadow-crack silhouettes against the full moon in a starless sky And I asked why, "It just feels so good." Lover, are you there? I thought I found you once in a blueish pond A layer of water resting over a tar pit With eye-catching surface sparkles under midday sky That sucked me down by the legs and drowned me As I grew colder and my vision grew darker as I descended And I asked why, "Because you and I are meant to be." Lover, listen, I thought I found you once under a rock Sitting innocuously on the side of the road With a shape comfortably eroded and smooth That looked innocent enough to lift up And thudded down heavily when I saw nothing there And I asked why, "I wanted you to notice me." Lover, please, I thought I found you once in a library book Leaned up sideways on a half-empty shelf With a premise that sounded appealing enough That started off strong but began to lose its hold Leaving me wondering what it was I saw to begin with And I asked why, "A predictable ending can't be counted on." Lover, I'm sorry, I thought I found you once in a wrong turn I made impulsively off Lexington and 59th street With fog and thunderstorm rain clouding my vision That left me drenched and confused and lost Until I finally realized this was probably my fault And I asked why, "Maybe I could've found something new." Lover, I'm desperate, I thought I found you once in an open field Empty and boundless and full of sweet summer air Without a clue where I was going or where I came from That left me peering around waiting for something I knew would never come when there were no promises And I asked why, "All I have for you is all I want for me." Lover, I'm delusional, I kept finding you in over-exposed photos and graveyards In the shadows cast by the headstones that disappear by nightfall And barely-there images I could only complete with a wish Or a dream, dreaming and sleepwalking down an empty road Full of empty cars and empty eyes and empty words Stumbling mindlessly while soft hands with painted nails Tug and pull at my own calloused hands, "Please be mine," "I want you," "You're the perfect man," "Can't you make an exception?" "I keep dreaming of you, please, please," I won't, no, I'm not, I can't, And dreams are just dreams. Lover, I don't know, I keep telling myself I'm walking without purpose or cause In the quiet dusk lowering itself over the ever-emptier streets And so-close-yet-so-far warmth of his body and taste of his words, Or the addictive taste of my own fantasies, almost real enough to feel, We've been so painfully empty for each other for a thousand years, And I just know that if that aching emptiness is calling him to me, He'll tug me forward by the arms with paint-stained hands, Calling to me, And I'm calling into the receiver, Are you there? Are you there? Tone dial, dead air, Lover, are you there?  |
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